Having it all

Seems like everyone wants to have it all.  A perfect life, filled with perfect people and perfect things.  Good health, happiness, people who love you, people who you love, well-behaved children who are kind and good, a beautiful home with Pottery Barn furniture (all matching, of course), a nice car, and all of the things you could ask for. 

But, does anyone really have it all?  There are a few, I bet.  I have encountered a few people who truly seem to have it all.  And when I see those people, it is hard to keep my pangs of envy quiet (why not me?  Why can’t I have it all?).  But then I try to remember that my lack of having it all is in part, a reflection on the choices I have made.  I chose to start my family when I was young (24 to be precise).  I was barely on my own two feet, let alone, to begin supporting two more feet!  I wouldn’t change it for the world, don’t get me wrong, But it came with a price.  I am a co-owner in my company, which is quite an investment.  So while other people are out buying furniture and grown-up toys, I am buying a business.  Not a bad deal, but it doesn’t provide me with the instant gratification I would like.  I choose to use my fun money to send my kids to a Catholic School because, as a product of Catholic Education, I feel that the outcome will be well worth it.

So, those are reasons why I don’t have it all.  And when I think about it that way, I can make peace with all I feel I am missing.  Because I wouldn’t choose it any other way.

I think a lot of people expect to have it all, regardless of the choices they make.  They forget that for every action, there is a reaction.  People feel entitled to luxuries that their choices have prevented them from having.  People feel entitled to have it all because their outward appearance is more important to them than their own internal satisfaction-meter.  I think that in this day and age, entitlement is running rampant in our society, and we are creating kids who believe they are entitled to all that the world has to offer.  There are kids who believe they deserve this-or-that simply because of who they are.  I fear what type of adults some of these kids will become.  (I could now step up onto my soapbox about parenting, but I will save that for another post).

So, in the meantime, I am truly finding a place of comfort in my own little world.  I have recognized how the choices I have made have prevented me from having it all RIGHT NOW (but I DO believe I will have it all, well maybe not ALL, but a lot more SOMEDAY).  I have also realized that instead of focusing on what I don’t have in my life, I am so much better off focusing on what I DO have.  I have a roof over my head, I have great kids (most of the time), I have a great marriage, a great job, great friends and family.  Who could ask for more???

Limits

Today, I spoke with a lady from the school on the phone. Lilly is a participant in an educational study, where they follow her academic development from k-5th grade. So twice a year, I am interviewed by a person. The interviews are quite in-depth, ranging from Lilly's academic performance, social-emotional development, our discipline strategy, my own mental health (yes, really), how much time each of us spends with her, etc. I was asked a question today that I am chewing on. She asked me if I have any physical or psychological issues that limit my ability to work. I did say "no", but it got me thinking about limits. I realized how fortunate I am to not be limited. I can work a FULL, 12-hour day (my Wednesdays, currently), busy with patient care--so I am on my feet much of the day. I can manage that busy day without going crazy (I do have a "mother's little helper", a 24 oz coffee at 2:30 in the afternoon on Wednesdays). I can come home and provide care to my kids. I can even muster up the energy to get a little exerise (only if I have to on Wednesdays...I generally exercise on Tuesday/Thursday). It isn't perfect. There are things I miss, but all in all, I am unlimited. And then I really began to think about how much I hate to be limited. I have always approached my life with a "why not?" instead of an "I can't". How hard would it be for me if I couldn't? And I don't just mean the big things that limit a person (being in a wheelchair, becoming ill, etc.). Even the little things: stress, anxiety, sadness, selfishness, irritability, insecurity. Those are limits too. And, as I compose that list, I know that some of those things limit me. I suppose they limit everyone to an extent. And, while I preach about this limitless glory out of one side of my mouth, out of the other side of my mouth, I realize it is important to know where my limits are. That is a very interesting paradox, don't you think? Perhaps the best thing I can do is recognize my limits, my boundaries, the lines that, if I cross them, what consequences will be had. Freedom within structure. I am believing more and more that we can each control our destiny. I believe more and more in self-fulfilling prophecies (I will never, I could never). I am working on eliminating the I can'ts, I won'ts to help me to live a life of freedom within my structure. I think this is what they mean when they say "life without limits". How lucky I am to be living that!!!