This weekend, I saw:
My niece and God-daughter, Adella
My aunt and uncle, Honey and Steve
My dad and stepmom, Jack and Linda
A whole bunch of Backes family--aunts, uncles, cousins
My brother, Jamie
My aunt and uncle, Tom and LaDonna
Old friends
My kids
And, of course, Ed (but barely, because he was on his hunting weekend)
There are plenty of people who I didn't see this weekend like:
My Grandma
My sister, Jess, and brother, Rick
My in-laws
My gal pals.
This weekend was so full of family and friends, it was a bit overwhelming. But, as I sit here and reflect upon it, I realize how lucky and truly blessed I am to have all of these people in my life.
I like the saying "We may not have it together, but together we have it all", because that is what really describes where I am at in life right now. I have felt unsettled, like my life is not complete, that something is missing. I have felt disappointed in myself because I have felt like I wasn't where I thought I would be by age 35. I don't have the goods I thought I would have by 35. I don't have the stress-free life I thought I would have by 35. My life is not set, as I thought it would be by 35. But look at what I have...I am really, really lucky. Because my "people" are far more important than anything, and they are what give my life meaning, satisfaction, and joy.
It has been a difficult week. My aunt, Janet, my dad's sister, is dying after a 6-month battle with pancreatic cancer. She has lived alone, out in Oregon, for as long as I can remember, and my dad and other aunt plan to be there with her for her last days. Tonight, I attended a wake for a 33 year old guy who I knew growing up, who passed away on Thursday. As I was sitting through this wake, and hearing his friends and family, through tears, talk about what a great guy he was and what an impact he had on their lives. I realized how truly sad it was that he probably had no idea of the impact he did have. And I see how important it is to show those who you care about how much they have shaped you, how much they mean to you. I don't want to be standing at the podium, tearfully describing how much a loved one has meant to me, feeling regret because that person didn't know how much I cared.
It's a tall order, with a busy family and full-time job, to carve out the time for the people who mean so much to me. It takes effort, juggling, and a bit of finesse. But, I would take a weekend like this (with the exception of barely seeing Ed) 100 times over just to make sure I have done what I can to show my "people" how much they mean to me.
Holen News:
Ed went up to the cabin (waaay up north) for his hunting weekend. However, he didn't "catch" anything (my term for getting a deer). He has been super-busy at work, and is starting to feel a bit like drowning. It is too early in the year for this! His "quiet" time of year is from August-November, so October shouldn't be a time where he is drowning.
I have a new (used) van. My poor old van starting behaving scary-bad last week. The entire car shook in 2nd and 3rd gears. It only happened once, but it was enough for me to say, "OK, it is time". I have been driving that van since February, 2000. We bought it brand-spankin'-new and put on 217000 miles. At the time of it's demise, it started like a charm, ran great (except for that pesky transmission issue). But, the heat didn't work very well--the fan on 5 blew as hard as my new van on 2. The gas gauge didn't work, so I had to fill up after 400 miles because I would have no idea how much gas was left. The drivers' side radio speaker didn't work, so it was hard to hear the radio. It was dirty, inside and out, and starting to get rusty. I would have driven it longer, but the van had other plans. We bought a 2005 Chevy Uplander. There are many luxuries in that van, such as working heat and A/C, a smooth transmission, and a sweet stereo. I am very easy to please :)
The kids are well. Alex is have a good year so far in 5th grade. He has re-joined choir this year, and is playing football. Cameron is also having a good year-4th grade. He is also in football, and was so excited this week because he ran the mile in gym class and had the fastest time in his class. HE was beaming when he told me. So cute!
And Lilly...oh, man, does that girl LOVE school. We hear about kindergarten ALL. THE. TIME. From the moment I come home from work until the moment she goes to bed. It is all about her teacher, her friends, her songs, what everyone looks like, what they smell like, what color clothes they wear, what their voices sound like. Holy cow. I have never, EVER, had the boys tell me this much about school.
Well, that's probably enough for now.
