Details

I am in one of those modes where I feel like I have too much on my plate. Everything I have going on will be intensifying over the next two weeks, then, BAM, it will all be over. I have my eyes on May 10, the first day without something going on.

Here's what I have...

Saturday-Our final dance performance. Since this is our fourth year doing this, I am hoping that it will run quite smoothly, and won't take up the mental and physical energy it has in the past. But, there are a lot of small details that I need to tend to (if you know me, you know how much I hate small details), and I get so nervous that I am going to forget something.

Friday, May 7- The Boni Ball...I have been on the food committee, and while I can't be present at the Boni Ball, I am not off the hook here. I have not gone to any meetings this year, which has helped me to balance things a bit better, but once again, I have small details to address (ordering plates, making sure the food order, drink order, etc) are accurate. Lots of phone calls...

Saturday, May 8- Rick (my brother's) wedding. This is going to be a lot of fun, and a really fun weekend, but I am a bridesmaid, and Lilly is a flower girl. So, again, details. I need to pick up my dress from the seamstress who is altering it, I need to get shoes, jewelry, and figure out how I am going to do my hair. I have to get Lilly's shoes and hair figured out, not to mention, making sure the boys have nice clothes to wear. Details, details, DETAILS!!!!!

As I get older, I am beginning to understand myself more, and I know that I am not meant for small details. I am a big thinker, global, one who comes up with the idea, but needs those detail people to carry it out. In a perfect Robbie world, there would be no details...I could simply think about it, and it would be done. But in the real world, the details are always pressing, and I can either avoid them-which could be disastrous, or I can continue to challenge myself to address these details.

But, man, I hate details.

Fear

"The only thing to fear...is fear itself". FDR

Fear is really something to be afraid of. I tend to worry...a lot...about things that are often-times out of my control. Or, I worry about anticipated events or stressors, and fear the fear that often accompanies them. It can be difficult to keep this fear in check at times.


Many times, fear, for me, is of the unknown. Things that I can't anticipate, things that I don't see coming, those kinds of things freak me out.

I have been feeling for the past few months that my life is missing something, is incomplete. It is a nagging feeling, like a quiet voice, whispering in my ear. The trouble is, I am afraid of change, and in order to listen to this nagging voice, changes will need to be made. So what to do? I am just trying to take things just one day at a time, and this seems to be working for me.

So here is the question...is fear enough of a reason to not make changes in your life? The answer is obvious, it is not. But, how many of us do not make changes in our lives because we are afraid? My assignment for myself is to overcome this fear, and do what I feel I need to do.

So, in other Holen news...

Tax season is finally over! Whew! So now, I am looking forward to having Ed home before 8:00 most nights. However, he is now, supposedly, quite behind at work, so he will be working later hours for the next few weeks to get caught up on things. So, it remains to be seen if he will actually be coming home at a reasonable time. Ed had a very good tax season, he did about 2x as many returns as he did last year. He also seemed to manage the work load quite well, better than he thought he would. So, all in all, it was a good tax season.

Alex is competing in the speech festival at his school on Saturday. He is doing a speech from a stand-up comedy routine by Brian Regan. It is very funny, and he generally has everyone in the room rolling with laughter. So I am excited to see him performing. Alex has always been just a little bit unlike other kids his age, which was a source of constant worry for me when he was younger. But now, I am beginning to see what Alex is able to do because he is unique. Getting up in front of people and delivering a funny speech without any stage fright is quite remarkable for a 10-year old boy. I am also hearing things from other people about the kind things that Alex does, such as hold doors open for adults, giving his chair to people, etc. He is a very thoughtful young man, and I am very proud of him!

Cameron continues to be completely obsessed with football, and now that the weather is nice, he constantly has grass stains on his jeans because of all of his diving and tackling. He will, occasionally, play a little baseball, but he insists that football is still his all-time favorite.

Lilly...Lilly. She is sitting right next to me jabbering my ear off. These Mondays, where I am working from home seem to be getting harder instead of easier, since she is constantly seeking my attention when she is the only one home. I am actually really looking forward to summer, since the boys will be home, and will be able to entertain her better than I can. She is winding down her preschool year, and will go to a 1/2 day of kindergarten to try it out and see what it is like. She is excited for kindergarten, but a little nervous, because she doesn't know how things will work. I keep telling her that she will figure it out, but that doesn't stop her from worrying about it.

Well, better run, the attention-seeker needs a little undivided attention!