Resolutions

It is the first day of 2011. The sun is blazing forth a bright and deceiving light (It is freeeeeezing out today, single-digit temps with 20 mph winds). It has been a wonderful day around the Holen house, encompassed by activities we choose and enjoy. I would like to reflect on my resolutions for 2010, determine how I did on them, and set fort resolutions for 2011.

In 2010, I believe I had four resolutions, one being the obvious, lose weight, exercise, etc. I am happy to report that, for the most part, I have incorporated exercise into a part of my life, probably going only two or three weeks without exercise for the entire year!!! As a result, I have shed nearly 20 lbs. Other bonuses have been improved stress management, a happier demeanor, and overall, a better quality of life. Of course, it doesn't hurt that most of my exercise has been done with a partner, a good friend of mine who makes the time pass effortlessly. It doesn't feel like exercise, it feels like girl-time, which is just another added bonus.

I also vowed to not let stress control my life. At the beginning of 2010, I was stressed. The pressures of business ownership, three kids, a husband, and a sense of not feeling quite right were factors which led to a high amount of daily stress. While I still am (and probably always will be) susceptible to the forces of stress, I have discovered that EXERCISE (see above) is the KEY to helping me to manage it. It is as if the stress is contained within my sweat glands, and by producing sweat, I am shedding the stress. I know, it sounds weird, and to anyone reading this who is having a hard time motivating yourself to get some exercise, you are probably thinking "yeah, right." But it has been the key for me. During this past year, when I have gone long stretches (2 or 3 weeks) without exercise, I feel the stress noose tighten around me. So, all in all, I feel much better about the control I have over the stress monster as opposed to a year ago.

I set a goal of not measuring myself according to anyone else's standards other than my own. I have, at times, felt like a failure because of what I don't have. I don't have a great house, I don't take great vacations, and I don't have a lot of resources to do anything beyond the basics. And I have been upset by this in the past, because I have worried that people have judged me based on my possessions (or lack thereof). Throughout a process of growth over the year, I can honestly say, this is not an issue for me right now. I have determined that I have set my priorities on how and where my resources should go, and I am at peace with that. I also seemed to have rekindled some of my ingrained optimism (which was in short supply a year ago), and I truly do believe that, within my lifetime, I will achieve complete and total satisfaction with my possessions as well as with my intangible treasures. So, yep, I can say that resolution was met.

My fourth resolution was to get back in touch with me. I have gone in spurts where I have felt that the innate qualities that make "me" ME are lost. I feel that I am generally an optimistic, happy person. I love to busy myself with many activities that I enjoy. I love music, and have learned that without music, there is a part of my soul that is unfed. I also deeply love my family, and want to spend quality time with them. However, when I was stressed, worried, unhappy, I found I could not only meet their needs for quality time, but I was not fulfilled by the time I was spending with them. I can say, once again, that through a process that was only guided by time and reflection, that I have felt much more like myself than I have in awhile. I have reconciled the parts of my life that are not able to be changed, the parts of my life that were in the way of discovering ME, and while I am not all-the-way there, I feel so much more comfortable and confident with the person taking residence inside of this skin.

All in all, I am pretty satisfied with my progress towards my resolutions I set a year ago. I think there was a bit of "mid-life" crisis (I, hopefully, am not yet to mid-life), a point I reached where I felt disoriented, dissatisfied, and unsure of my destiny. And I think that some of that was just something that needed to work itself out. I re-set my priorities, set rules for myself, and determined that I have had some unresolved grief issues stemming from the loss of my mother, which were playing a factor in my overall state of being at the time. Simply determining that was instrumental in helping me to turn the corner. Sometimes just knowing, even though you can't change it, or really do anything about it, is really what it takes. I will say, as an aside, that my weekly visits with my grandma have helped this immensely, as she is a vital link to my mom. She and I have a similar relationship that my mom and I had, and I can say that our visits have been probably more of a favor to me than they have been to her! I am so very grateful for her, and she has certainly had a challenging 2010, and hopefully 2011 will have smoother sailing for her!

So, anyway, enough deep thoughts...On to the resolutions for 2011!

My first resolution is to use my snap fitness card 12 times each month for the year. After 12 visits, my health insurance kicks in a portion of my monthly fee, and while I have been just braggin' it up about how much I have exercised, I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have only gone 12 visits/month twice in the past year. Part of this was because much of my exercise was done in the great outdoors, but to no avail...I must attend regularly! In conjunction with that resolution, I am hopeful to be another 20 lbs lighter by the time I am writing my resolutions for 2012!

My next resolution is a contrast from my resolutions of 2010, which were very focused on myself. I want to be a giver...a giver of my time, my resources, my love. It is time for me to keep up with the rules and priorities I have set for myself to keep me happy, but then to take that happiness and give it to others. I am hoping to be a more positive influence on the world. It can be simple, like walking through the grocery store with a smile on your face (I always marvel at those people), or more complicated, such as setting aside time each day/week/month to focus on spending time with those who are most important to me.

My third resolution is to learn to play guitar. I need to have some musical challenge in my life, and the piano (I play, not very well), is located in the living room. Because everyone is in the living room at all times of the day, if they are not sleeping, piano playing isn't usually very productive. So, time to learn a new skill!

Here's to you all, hoping you have many blessings, much happiness, and good health in this coming year!