Embracing 35?

That's me, 34 years ago. Celebrating my first birthday. Where the birthday love began.

Saturday, I will celebrate turning 35. I am not too sure how I feel about this. 35 seems so, well, mature, so grown-up. If there is one thing I don't feel, it is grown-up. And I can't seem to decide if that is a good or a bad thing.

When I was younger, when I imagined being 35, I envisioned that I would be set. Completely stable and in control of my life. Yeah. Not there yet...in fact, some days, I feel I have a long way to go.

It has been an interesting year for me this year. I have struggled with how fast it seems as though the kids are growing. I feel worried that I haven't given them enough. Enough time, enough attention....I think that I have struggled in the past with balancing my work-family situation, and over the past few months, I have begun to realize it. Knowing that it has been a problem is helping me to find solutions to the problem, which ultimately is leading me to spending more quality time with the kids. I am just so afraid of feeling regretful 15 years from now, wishing I would have done more, wishing I would have been more attentive, more present for them, instead of being distracted and stressed out. It is just so easy to get swept away in the demands of daily life, and before you know it, months have passed.

I am learning it takes considerable effort to keep my feet on the ground to avoid being caught up in the windstorm that is my life.

So that whole learning process has taken up the better part of my 35th year of life.

Consequently (and because of the windstorm), I am just not feeling the same unbridled excitement that I typically feel around my birthday. It all seems a bit dull this year. I am hoping that this quickly changes and I can get back to my obnoxious, attention-seeking self :)

In other Holen news...

Last Thursday was Lilly's last day of preschool. She had a fantastic year, and will miss preschool very much. She made many new friends (and boyfriends---seriously, what is up with this girl stuff?!?!?), and she was quite sad that preschool has ended. She will spend 4 days each week at daycare, and tomorrow, one of her very best friends who has been at Tracy's daycare for as long as we have (since Lilly was 2), will be spending her last day at Tracy's. I think this adjustment will be hard for Lilly, although there are two more best buddies there to keep her company until school starts. Lilly is anxiously awaiting the start of the school year when she can ride the bus and eat lunch at school (!!).

The boys had their last day of school today. They were both feeling happy/sad today. They each had a very good year, and were not necessarily super-excited to have the school year end. Once again, they brought home very good report cards, and were relieved to learn that they each passed their grade (despite being quite a good student, I always was a little nervous that I would find out by reading my report card that I was not moving forward to the next grade--so I can relate to the boys' relief). So, now, I have a 5th grader, a 4th grader, and a kindergartner. Holy cow!!!! All 3 in school! There are certainly some mixed emotions brewing.....

Well, I'm off to bed to read a few pages and catch some zzzz's. I guess I will do my best to embrace being a mature 35....what other choice do I have?