I seem to go in these spurts where my whole life feels like it is coming apart at the seams, I am moving from one fire to the next, not thinking about what I do next or what I did before. I am truly "in the moment" (Oprah would be so proud). I attribute it to the fact that there is just so much to attend to at every moment of the day. I love to live like this, it keeps me focused, it keeps me from "thinking" about things like...missing the kids when I am at work; will I ever be able to retire?; hmmm, I think we are just about out of groceries, etc. But, after so long, I begin to lose it. I feel like I have lost control in every area of my life. The ONLY thing to do is take it back. That is what I have done (plus having a little help with the calendar) this week.
On Monday, I spend 6+ hours doing paperwork. I have been so busy at work, and when you "live in the moment" (I am becoming an annoying "quote-user"), paperwork takes a big backseat because there is not a free minute to do it. Well, before I know it, my stack is huge! When I have a free half-hour, my stack is so big that I think I'll never make a dent in just 30 minutes...sooo, I'll just check my e-mail. I finally got the paperwork beast under control, and boy does it feel good!
On to the house...before Cameron's first communion, I had this place spotless. Well, I didn't really lift a finger since. So, because I have a wonderful husband who wouldn't let me lift a finger on Mothers' Day, I cleaned it Monday night. He and the kids tried...they really tried...to get the house clean on Mothers' Day, but I've got some pretty high standards that they just couldn't meet. But, I was so appreciative of their efforts! It is nice to be TOLD to lay on the couch and watch a movie. An aside...you know, after almost 12 years of marriage, 3 kids, countless stresses and ups and downs, I realize how lucky I am that we have reached this point, where we understand each other completely. He's a good guy, and I am lucky to have him! Anyway, long story short, I got the house in order too.
Then, the exercise. I have finally fallen into a nice routine of running about 3-4 times per week for almost 2 miles. I think the exercise is what is helping me to re-focus, tie up the loose ends, and finally come out of the fog. BUT, I have developed a pretty bad case of shin splints, and I am torn between working through it or resting. If I rest, will I lose my motivation? Will I fall back into the fog? I could try something low-impact, like biking (which I love), but I don't usually feel as worked as I do when I run. Any advice? I recently bought new shoes (Asics...I thought they were good, but I don't know if they are made specifically for running). I was going to try some arch supports. I think I am pronating my feet, putting stress on the muscles of my medial calf.
I am looking forward to the weekend, our dance recital!!!! Some years, by this time, I have just felt glad to get it over with. This year, though, I am so excited. I think this is our best year yet. Don't get me wrong, I will be breathing a sigh of relief on Sunday evening, when it is all over, but I just can't wait for the performance. I also have a meeting Thursday night, "book club" (aptly put in quotes because we often talk about everything but the book) Friday night, dance rehearsal Saturday, a birthday party for my nephew Nathan on Saturday, and the recital Sunday. So, busy, busy, busy. But next week....nothing. No meetings, no nothin.
The countdown is on...to MY BIRTHDAY!!! I am very excited for my birthday. For those who don't know, I love my birthday LIKE A KID! Because people know this, I usually get lots of attention on my special day, which, when you love your birthday like a kid, that's really what you want! I will be 34, and I am feeling pretty good about it. 33 was, all in all, a pretty good year. I am beginning to feel a little more on my feet, more confident, more competent, and just happier in general.
Anaway, such a busy post. I'm feeling great...feeling like I am finally getting some control over my life and hoping I can keep it for awhile.
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