On Monday, the 8th, we will mark the 11th anniversary of the day that mom died. Last year, I posted a monster-sized blog entry to get so many of my feelings about this out as well as to describe the events of the week that she died. This is important to me because as time goes on, the memories of that week become more faded. It was the most horrible week I have ever experienced, yet, I don't ever want to forget it. Strange, isn't it?
So, this year, I won't go on and on and on, other than to firmly reiterate how much I miss her and how I wish she were here. I just can't help but imagine how things could have been. How would my life be different if I had the one person in this world who not only believed in me (more than I believe in myself), but who had the courage to push me. So many people in this world tell you what you want to hear, but she would tell me what I need to hear.
There are many situations in my life now that I would give anything to hear what I need to hear from someone who only cares about me.
So, it sucks that she isn't here, and I am forced to try to find my own way.
Jess and I will be getting together on Monday for a fun day of shopping and lunch in honor of mom. I think that would make her so happy. I am so thankful for Jess, and am so very grateful that the past year has brought us closer together. We are determined not to mope and be miserable on the 8th, that is not what mom would want, nor is it what we would want. In years past, we would call each other with a little "mom-ism" or send each other flowers with a mom-ism on the card. They are always funny, and in a way, we poke a little fun at her, but that is how we make the day work for us. We try to make it fun. Because what other choice is there?
Last Friday, a 49-year old woman from our community died in a car accident. The accident happened about 5 minutes behind me, which kind of freaked me out. After mom's accident, I began to ponder the significance of a minute, or even a second. What if mom would have left five minutes earlier for work that day? What if she would have forgotten her purse, and had to run into the house before she left that morning. What if she would have driven 62 miles per hour instead of 58? I had my own thoughts that morning...what if I would have been held up for five minutes last Friday morning? It could have easily happened because I didn't need to be at work at any certain time. It was a scary thought.
Then, to see the community outpouring last week, to see all of the people who had connections with this family, it brought back so many memories of our own situation. I am certainly keeping their family in all of my thoughts and prayers.
So, that is that. Monday will be fun, and we will embark on our 12th year without mom here.
As far as the day to day events of the Holen house, there hasn't been too much going on lately. Lilly had her kindergarten open house this week, which is just crazy. I remember going to those with the boys, and the time between the open house and the first day of kindergarten seemed to go by so quickly. So, before I know it, I will have three kids in school.
Then, I have been thinking about our daycare plan. The kids will all go to daycare yet this summer, but by next summer, I am thinking about having the boys start to stay home a couple of days each week. This idea is so scary, I am very nervous to leave my kids home alone all day long. But they will be 10 and 11, so I think they will be ready. It will be nice to save that money, but it will sure be scary for me.
The boys have been doing well in school, there isn't much news to report on them. Cameron continues to be completely obsessed with football, will toss the ball to himself and then dazzle whoever is watching him with his fancy catches (and their instant replays :) ). He knows all there is to know about the NFL, all of the players for all of the teams and most of their numbers. It is crazy . Alex has been reading like crazy, and he is beginning to read the Harry Potter books. He and Ed have been busy each night playing video games...Alex is our gamer, for sure. I could take it or leave it, but it is nice that they spend that time together.
The kids are growing and changing so much right now, we are really on the verge of a whole new time in our lives.
Take a minute this week to let your loved ones know how much you appreciate them...
Bye.
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