How to treat a treat

Treat.  Doesn't that word immediately make you happy?  I think of an unexpected ice cream cone, Halloween candy, or a caramel apple.  An indulgence.  A reward.  Sometimes you get it from someone, sometimes you give it to yourself. 

I have recently upped the ante on my journey to (hopeful) lifelong health.  About a year ago, I had my labs drawn for the first time in my life.  Despite the fact that I was still carrying some extra poundage, I fully expected my numbers to be stellar.  Why?  Because I am in very good health, because I exercise regularly, because I have given up many processed foods, pop, and candy.  The only thing my doctor has to gripe at me about is my weight.  My blood pressure is good, my family history is healthy. Of course I should have great numbers. 

My numbers were really all good, all within the normal range.  But I had a few readings that were closer to the boundary than I would have liked.  This scared me.  Because if I tack 10 years onto my life, what will those numbers look like?  10 years from now, I will be approaching 50 (!!), and I can imagine that my metabolism will slow, and I will likely pack on a few more pounds.  I realized that unless I make some changes, those numbers will be closer to the boundary or even over the boundary.  I don't like that idea one bit.

So, after watching the success a close friend of mine had on Weight Watchers, I decided to give it a whirl.  I can tell you that in 10 weeks, I have lost nearly 17 pounds, putting my total weight loss over the past 2.5 years at 35 pounds.  I am approaching my "wedding weight", which wasn't necessarily something to write home about (although I am pretty pumped), and I have my sights set on my high school weight, which all of a sudden seems possible now.

That is not the moral of this blog post, though...I am setting up the story.

Being on Weight Watchers requires careful tracking and monitoring of the foods you are eating.  You get a certain number of 'points' each day, and when your points are gone, you can put no more into your mouth.  Of course, there are loopholes and exceptions, but, by and large, this is how it works.  This process has taught me to make choices.  "Do I REALLY want to spend 15 points on a small Blizzard at DQ?"  That would be more than 1/2 of the points I get in a day.  So, upon doing my research, and finally understanding why, despite running sometimes 10 miles per week, I wasn't losing weight.  I was eating way more points each day than I should have been.

Which brings me to my title...How to treat a treat.

There are days, oh, there are days, I would love to go back to my old ways.  Days where I want to treat myself.  Days where I know I deserve something special, something tasty.  And, usually, I allow myself one day each week where I do treat myself.  This is the only way I can stay on-point for the rest of the week.  But as the week wears on, I find myself falling into the mind-trap that I should have a treat every day.  As I sit in the Panera drive-thru, knowing I should get the 3-point chicken soup, but WANTING the 9 point Mac and Cheese with the 9 point Sierra Turkey Sandwich, I realize that I have been 'treating' myself every. single. day. prior to these past 10 weeks.  Because one day I would eat that, another day, I would eat a personal pizza.  And I thought nothing about 'treating' myself to a blizzard at DQ.  I realized that 'treats' are around every corner...in every convenient fast food restaurant, in every grocery store, in the breakroom at work, and heck, even in my desk drawer.

And, WHY, do I need to have all of these treats?  Have I done something special every day to deserve them?  Am I like a puppy who has done a trick to ear a treat? 

100 years ago, we didn't have such quick and immediate access to treats.  Heck, 50 years ago, we didn't either.  In those days, sugar was the treat...sugar used to bake a cake for a special occasion, or to bake a batch of cookies.  50 years ago, we didn't have an obesity epidemic or Type 2 diabetes spiraling out of control in our population.  We didn't have cases of pop to buy and bring home to put in the refrigerator.  There really wasn't fast food, and there certainly wasn't any such thing as "supersize me".  When you went out to eat, you didn't get enough food for two meals.

I am learning to allow myself a treat, one treat, each week.  I can save that treat for a special occasion...a wedding, a night out for dinner, or a party.  Or I can have my treat on a day when my cravings are just too intense.  But that's it.  It's back to the grind.  I am learning to be grateful that I have healthy food to put into my body, and that I don't need (or deserve) to treat myself daily.  I am learning to make choices about what I am eating.  I am learning that when I am craving a treat the most, I can usually try a piece of fruit or string cheese first.  More often than not, that is good enough.  I am learning to treat a treat like a treat should be treated (that was funny, don't you think?)

And then, I start thinking about how our society seems to be entitled to have treats.

And that is a whole 'nother blog post.

The gift of February 7

On February 8, I lost a lot.  I lost my mother, the person who knew me better than I knew myself, my friend.  And each year, at this time, I think about her.  I think about what I lost.  I think about how things might have been if February 8, 1999 not happened the way it had. 

What I don’t often think about is the gift I was given on February 7.

In 1999, I was 23 years old, married, with no kids, living in Becker, MN.  I was working, and enjoying married life, and the freedom of life on my own.  Ed worked in the cities at the time, and worked every other weekend.  On the weekends he worked, I often went to my parents’ house for “chick day”, a day where my mom and I , and my sister if she was around (she was 17 at the time and busy with activities), would spend the day together watching movies, playing nertz, and having fun.

On February 7, I met my mom at my aunt’s house.  We had a birthday party for my cousins.  My grandma and grandpa, and several aunts, uncles, and cousins were all there.  Like most Backes gatherings, it was a good time.  Lots of visiting, lots of food, a good way to spend an afternoon.

I was planning to meet Ed at his work in Plymouth when he got done at 6, and we were going to head over to Jamie’s house that night.  I had taken the next day off, so I didn’t need to be home or in bed at any certain time.  We finished at my aunt’s house with time to spare, so I went home with mom to spend an hour or two. 

We had the best time.  We talked and laughed, and had so much fun.  I will remember it forever. 

Before I knew it, it was 5 pm, and it was time for me to leave.  I didn’t want to go, we were having so much fun.  She walked outside with me, and borrowed to me her “Best of KQ” tapes (yes, tapes) to listen to.  We walked into the garage, she reached into her car and gave me the tapes.  She gave me a hug, and stood in the driveway, with her smile, waving at me as I drove away.

That was the last time I saw her, and my last memory of her.  Little more than 12 hours later, she was gone.

I am just realizing, completely, how much of a gift I was given in spending February 7 with her.  I didn’t know I was saying good-bye to her, but in a way, it was a fitting good-bye.  I pulled out of the driveway, watching her wave to me, feeling so much love for her and feeling her love for me in return.  It was a perfect ending to our relationship.  Had I known it would have been the last time I would see her, there would have been things I would have needed to say, things I would have wanted to say, things I won’t ever get a chance to say.  But there wouldn’t have been laughter.  There wouldn’t have been fun.

So why am I sharing this sob-story with the world?  Well, first of all, I like to share pretty much everything there is to know about me.  Losing my mom has been a huge part of my life, and losing her has contributed to the person I have become today.  And I want you to understand that about me.  I am stronger because of it.  I am stronger because I have been through much, much worse than anything that has since challenged me.  And I am stronger because I choose each day to live in a way she would be proud of.

But, more importantly, I choose to share this story because I want to drive home the fact that we are not EVER guaranteed tomorrow.  And I know it sounds hokey, and cliché, but each day really is a gift.  I am so thankful that I spent that day with her.  I am so thankful that our time together that day didn’t consist of arguing or disagreements (because there was plenty of that between us at times, too :).  I am so thankful that I have that memory of her, waving goodbye to me. 

I won’t ever forget that.

Fortune Cookies

Ed and I have recently begun a tradition. He usually eats at a Chinese restaurant once a week or so, and he usually picks up a fortune cookie for me. We make a big deal about it. I feel it, rub it, and tell him that our fate is in my hand.

Ed and I have been in this mode for the past, oh, say 10 years or so, where we feel like nothing GOOD ever happens to us. We work hard, and we are good people, but it seems like luck, karma, or whatever it is you want to call it just isn't on our side. Now, granted, in the grand scheme of thing, we know we have a good life, and we KNOW it could be much, much worse. But you know those people who seem to have everything fall into their lap? Well, we have no such luck. We kind of live under the notion, "If it can go wrong, it will".

Well, my New Year's resolution has been to put forth positive energy and eternal optimism, even in the face of trials. Because I have begun to realize that perhaps it is my state of mind that reinforces this lack of "luck". I am expecting the other shoe to drop, I'm anticipating the worst-case scenario. I don't expect good things to happen, I don't expect to be rewarded for my hard work. So, I have kept my chin up! And, let me tell you, it has been a challenging first three weeks of 2012!

Friday, Ed presented me with my fortune cookie. He said he labored over which cookie was his, and which should be mine. He weighed them in his hands, studied them, and decided on the cookie that should be mine. I unwrapped it, and it said....

"It is hard to see the sky from the bottom of the well"

Here's to pulling myself out of the well, and believing in bigger and better things for 2012!

What's wrong with the world

This is going to be one of my most pompous posts to date. I am getting on my high horse, and I am going to give my 2-cents on what is wrong with the world today. If I strike a nerve, I certainly don't mean to. I just have some thoughts that I would like to share with the world. They are arranged in order of self, family, world:

1. Food in boxes. If it comes out of a box, you probably shouldn't be eating it. 50 years ago, there were hardly any "convenience foods". If you wanted to make a meal, you bought your meat, your veggies, your spices, and you probably made your own bread. If you look at the "obesity epidemic" in our country, I can't help but wonder how much of this is attributed to convenience foods. I have started looking at people's shopping carts when I am in the grocery store. Not surprising, the people who are looking unhealthy have primarily convenience foods in their carts. I am not perfect in this arena, although I am trying, I really am. I try to make meals from scratch, make my own snacks and desserts (chocolate chip cookies every weekend--YUM), and I usually make a batch of bread each weekend as well.

2. No water. People aren't drinking water anymore. There are a lot of people whose "water" is a can of pop, juice, iced tea, etc. This kind of goes along the line of #1...if you can't pronounce the ingredients of a food or beverage, you probably shouldn't eat it or drink it. Pop is full of stuff I can't pronounce. It is addictive. I have learned that when I drink too much pop, I feel "sludgy" and hung over. Here, too, totally not perfect, but working at it.

3. No work. Now, we have all heard about the benefits of exercise. But do you wonder why generations before us weren't exercising in the same way we are supposed to be? Because they WORKED! In the days before automatic washers/dryers, laundry had to be washed BY HAND! And it took all day! Think of the calories you would expend in a day of hand-washing your laundry! Or the calories expended in a day of farm work. We need to get moving, somehow. We don't have to go to fancy gyms or buy all kinds of equipment for our houses. We just need to work. And, there is a lot to be said about working hard to achieve your goals...see next item.

4. Instant gratification. It seems like there is something wrong with want. So many of us get what we want when we want it, whether it be an article of clothing, a car, a house, furniture, etc. What are we teaching our kids about this? We are raising a generation of kids who are getting what they want when they want it. They aren't working for it, saving for it, and they certainly aren't getting denied. What kind of adults are they going to be? I am afraid that we will have a whole generation of people who can't deal with failure and who expect the world to be at their feet. Not to mention...look at the NEED in the world. The need people have for simple things, food, shelter, clothing. Let's teach our kids about need! Let's teach them about setting goals and priorities! Again, let's look at previous generations...I bet few of us can say that our parents or grandparents had 5000 square foot homes, two late-model cars, the newest and latest gadgets, and a closet full of clothes. Here, once again, so not there...I love my gadgets, especially. But, I think we need to examine more closely as a society what are "wants" and what are "needs".

5. When the going gets tough, we get outta here: If you are married, you got married (hopefully) because you were crazy about the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Well, guess what? It isn't all sunshine, daisies, and Looooove. People grow, they modify their behaviors, and life happens. It affects each of us differently. There are times that we are in sync with each other, and times we are on different planets. Same with kids...You start your parenting journey helplessly in love with this tiny infant. But, over time, this tiny infant becomes a person all their own. You will see eye to eye, sometimes, and other times, not so much. Too many people are afraid of these conflicts, and either physically leave when things get rough, or "leave" in other ways. They "leave" by no longer communicating, or by giving in all the time. They "leave" by not fighting the battles that need to be fought to keep your marriage and family functioning and moving toward a goal of health and happiness for all.

6. A lack of diversity. I am not necessarily speaking of cultural or racial diversity. Rather the diversity of personalities, of strengths and of weaknesses. A prime example is what is happening in our schools. There is such emphasis on reading and math, much less on history, art, or science. We are putting kids into a mold, and if they don't fit, they are falling. When are we going to be able to recognize each person's strengths and weaknesses, capitalize on their strengths, to allow each person to access their full potential. I think the world would be a much better place if we were cultivating each individual's strengths and gifts from an early age, rather then separating them into the ones who fit the cookie cutter and the ones who don't (and what do we do with the ones who don't? Well, we throw our hands in the air!).

7. A loss of Community. In previous generations, communities took care of one another. You not only knew your neighbors, you borrowed sugar from them. You knew your neighbor's families, your kids played with their kids, and they rode their bikes all over God's creation, only having to come home at a predetermined hour. The entire community watched out for those kids, and they watched out for one another. We now live in these little bubbles, undisturbed, unperturbed, but we don't reach out and take care of each other. It wouldn't take much if we all did just a little.

Feel free to add to this list...what else could we do to make ourselves healthier/happier, our families stronger, our communities more vibrant? Let's make this world a better place!

It’s here

I used to listen to stories of parents who were shuffling their kids all over God’s creation for activities. 

I am now telling those stories.

It has been oh-so-long since I updated my poor blog.  But I have been BUSY! 

June/July:  Totally and completely consumed with baseball.  Alex played in one league which played Monday/Wednesday, and had three weekend tournaments.  Cameron played Sundays with three weekend scrimmages or tournaments.  It was SO.MUCH.FUN, and for the first time in my life, all of that hustle and bustle did not seem like drudgery to me.  Cameron is on a 10 and under team with a lot of his classmates.  It was fun to watch those boys work together and play together.  They will probably be together for a few years, so it will be really fun to watch them develop.  Alex was on a CS Little League team, one of 8 Cold Spring teams.  He had the good fortune of being on a pretty good team, and they made it all the way to the championship game for the league.  Sadly, they didn’t win, but the ride sure was fun!

August:  A few deep breaths after the running of baseball, but then we had our week of vacation at the cabin.  Ed’s uncle and aunt have a great cabin up near Erskine, MN (a 3 1/2 hour drive).  They let us stay there for a week, and boy, did we have FUN!  It was a great time for us to reconnect as a family, something we didn’t think we needed, but in retrospect, we sure did!  We played and ate and relaxed for one whole week!  The rest of August was busy with odds and ends.  Nothing big, but still busy.

September:  The end of an era!  We officially gave up our spots at our daycare.  Saying goodbye to Tracy, our daycare provider, was so, so hard.  She has taken care (and really, really good care, I might add) of our kids for 5 years.  It was hard for the kids, for me, and for Tracy.  Just one of those milestones that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but was such an eye opener to me of how fast this time is going!  And on that note, we now have a SIXTH grader, a FIFTH grader, and a FIRST grader!!!  Good Lord!  Alex is starting his “Rule the School” year at St. Boniface, and will head to middle school next year.  Wow.

So that was my last four months in a nutshell!  It is busy and crazy and never, ever boring.  The ride is wild, but I hope to stay on it as long as possible!

Musings upon turning 25, uh, I mean, 36.

36.  Holy smokes.  That is getting up there.  Rounding the corner to 40.  40?!?!?!  ME?!?!?!?!  It just doesn’t seem right.  I don’t feel one bit different (other than wiser, definitely wiser) than I felt 10 years ago.  My body feels the same, my spirit feels the same. I feel like, well, Me.  I feel like I really shouldn’t even be old enough to talk about 10 years ago, let alone, to have 10 years ago feel like it was yesterday.  But here I am, 36 years after the day I entered the world. 

Some things about me are so much the same as they were during my first few birthdays:  I love to gab, I love basking in the sunshine, I love kicking anyone’s butt at any type of board game, I love to be with the ones I love, I love random information that is unnecessarily stored at the top of my mind (think state capitals…).  Today, I sat on my log swing, under my favorite maple tree, with the sun in my face and the wind in my hair, and I was smitten.  That moment, that is just so, me. 

But there are things about me that I can see have developed (I won’t say ‘changed” because I would be admitting defeat on a 18-year argument between Ed and I):  I feel more comfortable with who I am, misgivings, faults, and all.  I used to be ashamed of my faults, wished I didn't have them, wished they weren’t a part of me.  But I have realized that people are peppered with strengths and weaknesses.  There are certain faults I have that I don’t think will change, so I have instead given the world a “love it or leave it” approach.  I used to think that the world would just fall into my lap, with everything I have ever wanted.  I know I work hard and that I am a good person, and a part of me believed (really, really believed) that because of those two things, that I would be set.  But now, I have determined the importance of setting priorities, and pouring my heart and soul into the things that really matter to ME, since I realized it is unrealistic for me to have it all.  In the past, I have held people to standards that they were possibly not aware of, and I would be disappointed over and over again because they didn’t live up to my expectations (which they knew nothing of).  I have since determined the importance of forgiveness, and try to not hold people to standards that they cannot or will not live up to (still working on this one).  I used to believe that my family, friends, my world of people would always be there for me, whenever I needed or wanted them.  Even if it would be three months (three years) before I spent time with them.  I have learned that NOW is the time to spend, because that person won’t always be there.  And my life has become richer (not busier) when I realized that. 

In the past 36 years, I have been on top of the world, at the bottom of the heap, and all places in between.  So, even though I am not thrilled to leave 35 behind (can’t I just stay there forever???), I face this new year of life with a soul at peace (mostly), a heart full of love, and a better recognition of who I really am.  And I kinda like myself :) What a good place to be!

To another 36 (and hopefully more than that) years!!!

Finally!

Finally, we had a weekend at home!  I don’t even know the last time that we had a weekend with no place to be, nothing going on.  It was so nice to just hang out here.  The weekend wasn’t completely without activity, Ed and I did run a 5k yesterday morning (Saturday), in the pouring rain!  Cameron did the 1k.  But we were out from about 9:15 until noon, and that was it.  Then, I got the house clean, laundry done, and then off to my Grandma’s for my weekly visit.  Today, I made an executive decision to skip church so we all could just be home in our PJ’s.  Bread was baked, brownies made, and I took time to cook a nice supper.  I played on my guitar so long, my fingertips feel funny as I’m typing, and I am starting a book.  This was a great weekend, the tail end of a great week!

The kids are preparing for their last week of school this week.  Hard to believe another school year has gone by.  I will now have a 6th grader, a 5th grader, and a 1st grader.  Holy cow!!!!  When did my babies get so big!?!?!?!  They have all had a pretty good school year. 

Alex ended strong this year, after having kind of a tough go of things the past few months.  We have figured out a few things that have helped him with his reading, and subsequently his math.  I am hoping to have him do a lot of reading this summer so that he can start 6th grade ready to roll.  Alex was in St. Boniface Baseball, which entailed of games on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:30, and practices on Wednesdays.  He also was on the speech team, with practices on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3:30-4:45.  And to top it off, he was still in choir.  April was so crazy, I didn’t know if I was comin’ or goin’ between getting him to all of his activities, managing my own work and household needs!  He had a pretty tough season for St. B’s, but the weather was often cold during the games, and he is a boy who does not like the cold!  This summer, Alex is playing on a travel baseball team, and they will play 2 nights a week and have a handful of tournaments on the weekends.

Cameron is winding down his fourth grade year.  He has not been in any spring activities (have to be in 5th grade for bball, and speech/choir…not his thing!).  He is playing on a travel ball team this summer as well.  They practice on Sunday nights, and will be having some scrimmages against other travel teams and he will be in a few tournaments, too.

Lilly is much the same.  She is looking forward to spending the summer at daycare with all of her friends.  She had a fantastic year at school, and I ‘m sure kindergarten will be something she will never forget.  She is reading so very well, spelling out many of her own words when writing, and is learning a little math, too!  She is still my cuddler and is a most fantastic helper around the house.

Hoping to get the garden in next weekend and some flowers planted..  Then it will really be summer around here!